Can’t think

Mood is fluctuating a lot lately.  One minute I’m up and care free, taking care of everything, the next, I want to crawl into a small dark closet and hide from life. 
      My mood has given me the desire to rip my life to shreds and say ‘fuck it!’ to the world. My mood has given me moments of empathy.  My mood has given me the need to hide.
     Irritability and rage are my signs of hypo mania.  I have lost my temper more than I like in the last few weeks.
    I’ve also been brought to tears by little, tiny, insignificant life occurrences. 
      My depression is ringing my bell and rage keeps me on my toes.  Too tired to care, but rowdy enough I could act out. 
     Back to my feeling of wondering about stepping in front of a log truck as it roars through the community.
     Eating, which is usually an issue (over doing it) is swaying in the other direction this time. I don’t feel like eating. Just hand me a bed. 
     I’m sucking the life out of my world. 
      But I’m still keeping up appearances.    I’m not that far gone yet. 
    I’m fighting.  But I’m exhausted.


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