What a roller coaster…..

Last week was very trying.  Not much went right.  My daughter got in trouble at school, a kid was kicking her so she grabbed his lunch bag and inadvertantly ripped it, the mother of the kicker was overly dramatic.  I told my daughter, instead of grabbing his lunch bag she should have done something else, gone to a teacher. She agreed it wasn’t the smart choice that she chose.  I urged my daughter to apologize when she went back to school, which she did, the kicker was supposed to apologize for kicking but didn’t.  I brought this up with the mother but she was quite ok with only my daughter expressing an apology.  Guess material items are more important than people. 
       My depression has been rearing its ugly head lately and now I am dealing with my daughter saying she has no friends.  People don’t sit with her at lunch unless a teacher directs them to.  I may be biased, but my kid is a damn good kid.  She sticks up for people if there is a problem, she has no issues with helping anyone, but she still walks a lonely road.  She’s a carbon copy of her father and me.  It’s going to be a hard path.  I’m worried about her, as a mother I want to make it alright.  I want to fix everything.  There are some things the kids themselves have to do though.  I can complain to other parents, but that’ll likely ostracize her even further. 
      There’s too much going on.  My child is lonely, although she has friends here when she’s at home, it’s not the same as having someone to hang with while at school. My depression is back, I’m trying to cope.  I am at the moment waiting to be able to see my psychologist again.  I need that.  Not too far away, but at the same time it feels like it’s taking an eternity.  I’m tired.  I just want to go to bed and not deal with anything.  But that’s not realistic if you are alive.  Society doesn’t care when someone is having an emotionally, mentally hard time.  There’s no scars to see, so it’s not real.  But for those of us that are wiped and exhausted by even the most minute detail in life, it is almost impossible to keep going. And yet we do, how I’m not sure, but we do.

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